May 10, 2008...3:49 am
Owned: Required Of All Hockey Bloggers
Sponsoring players is the new blogging trend and I’m sooooo tempted to join in, but I have my doubts. This is how the dialogue would go in my head if my family were all in a room together and I told them I wanted to Rent-A- Player off the internet for a year.
[In the Kitchen because everyone knows that's where you converse]
Me: I’m borrowing the credit card.
Father: What do you need it for?
Me: I want to buy Thomas Vanek…
Father: I don’t have $50 million.
Me: He’s only $10!
Father: He’s only worth $10.
Me: [Waves away comment with hands] I’m buying Thomas Vanek, Oooohhh-kaay? You can sponsor player stats on this hockey website.
Father: Don’t waste money on a bleepity bleep hockey site.
Me: But I need to own Thomas Vanek! And his stats!
[Mother in background]: She needs to buy Thomas. Just let her buy Thomas.
Father: [Sighs. Glares. Speaks in angered, monotonous voice.] Get someone who can play. Curiously asks, “Who do they have?”
Me: Anyone.
Father: Get that Kaleta kid.
Me: He’s taken.
Father: Tico-taco-linderrr.
Me: He’s definitely taken.
[Brother enters conversation]: Miller.
Me & Brother [Simultaneously]: Save. Save. Save. Save.
Grandma: [Don't ask, she just fits in the conversation...] Get Sidney, isn’t he darling? Or Dion Phaneuf. Don’t you just love Calgary’s uniforms?
Me: [Laughs] Yes, yes they’re all beautiful!
Grandpa: [Mumbles] DammitAnyhow. Don’t waste your money.
Me: [Filled with very shallow hopes, furiously types in information with a pain in the pit of gut] MMMmmmmmm I need Thomas.
Hockeyreference.com: We’re sorry, Thomas Vanek is no longer available.
Me: I knew it! Whatever, hockeyreference.com.
Cousin: DEREK ROY DEREK ROY DEREK ROYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Ahhhh!!! Oh. My God. DEREKKKK.
Me: Screw it, I’m Madonna-ing it and adopting a Montreal baby. [Looks up Guy Lafleur. Stops.] No, too much [Looks up Lapierre. Stops. Laughs. Looks up Joe Thornton].
Hockeyreference.com: $45,95,360,9ns,efo,8we,3r2,8jh,834,789,134
Me: What the…? Are those letters? [Looks up Max Afinogenov]
Hockeyreference.com: $10.
Hockeyreference.com: Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a Russian gangster.
Me: [Victory dance] I’ve always wanted to own a team with a Russian gangster! This is tax deductible, right?
fin.
Let’s see how it really goes…
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15 Comments
May 10, 2008 at 5:15 am
I told Reasonable Doubt about how you could buy players. He was at work and had me looking up players so they could park a few. So far they snatched up Derek Boogaard.
I was considering Danny Briere just for giggles. But he is 40 bucks…and I am hella broke.
May 10, 2008 at 5:16 am
Also, it’s kinda like Pokemon, gotcha catch em all. And get the good ones.
“I choose you, Alexander Ovechkin!!”
May 10, 2008 at 2:51 pm
haha yes! Gotta catch em all… ALL!
They gotta get some players.
May 10, 2008 at 3:31 pm
I feel like I need to jump on this bandwagon…but all the people I wanted are taken or else WAY too much money (for a broke college student like me).
This conversation sounds so much like what would go on in my house - grandma and all (only mine would say “what about that brian campbell? he has such nice, red hair”)!!
May 10, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I know! I don’t know if I want to spend money on statistics. It is a good site though.
“We’re all gonna spend our money off at this effing stupid website….”
May 10, 2008 at 4:37 pm
“We’re all gonna spend our money off at this effing stupid website….”
I love how you can work that quote into pretty much every situation possible.
May 11, 2008 at 12:27 am
Man, they have to be rolling in the cashola right now. That really is a genius idea. I am jealous I am not rolling in cashola.
May 11, 2008 at 1:17 am
I’m jealous too. Let’s start something hockey-related that will make us roll in major cashola.
Live hockey blogs… but you have to pay to read them. They will be hilarious live hockey blogs because we’ll write them. And we’re hilarious.
May 11, 2008 at 2:09 am
I’m in. I’m not hilarious, but I’m in.
May 11, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Speaking of liveblogs, Melt Your Face Off is doing one Tuesday. And I suggest getting in on that madness. Fingers crossed it won’t be 4 overtimes…
The liveblog needs more ladies.
May 12, 2008 at 2:19 am
ohhhhh I’m so in on the liveblogging.
And katie, I’m all over using Soupy’s horrible drunken night quotes in any given situation.
May 12, 2008 at 4:17 am
Tell all your friends! I am doing my best to round up some people for it.
May 13, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I love how you pimped it via facebook.
May 13, 2008 at 5:39 pm
I always pimp MYFO. Which reminds me I need to order a shirt or two of theirs.
May 13, 2008 at 6:05 pm
HA!!! You MYFOho. I love the “Ovietime” onesie. I would totally have a baby just to buy that. Maybe… not. I still need to sponsor a hockey baby.
Broke Procrastinators United here.
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